When an earthquake creates a tsunami it wants you to surf it.

Using a skipping rope on a countries border is illegal. You’re jumping the border.

The correct way to use a pet waste bag is to hold it right behind the dog so the poop falls right in. Just watch out for farts.

When you have a big mouth everyone else thinks it’s a megaphone.

When you can’t stop talking about your favorite bar of soap you’re soap dishing.

BC Farmers are having labour shortages so they’re telling their employees to have kids to keep it from happening in the future.

When your baby can’t stop punching and kicking in the womb they can’t fit anymore so pop them out.

The best thing about dying is becoming famous in the obituaries of a newspaper.

A funeral is an elaborate human composting ceremony where the dead person eventually becomes fresh blades of grass.

A dogs favourite thing to do in a dog park is socializing with the buttholes on his friends.