How does an NFL player catch a fish? By tackling it.

What do you call a dumb doorman? A doorbell.

When you go on an instadate with a waitress it’s called take out.

What do you call a target audience? A Bullseye.

Design your own future become an interior designer.

Why does the moving truck never show up? Because it doesn’t know how to stop.

Ogling at high class prostitutes in downtown Vancouver has now gotten expensive. Prostitutes will now be charging you a $5.00 just looking fee.

When I’m tired of cleaning, I throw in the towel.

Riding a lawnmower is like riding a bike. One mistake and your knees turn to shreds.

I use a chicken as an alarm clock because I know that when she lays eggs it’s time to wake up and make breakfast.