What do you call a buff fruitarian? A juicer.

What do you call a vegan on a BBQ? Vegan Food.

When a Vegan doesn’t know what they’re talking about they’re spitting dairy.

What do you call a vegan that’s scared to cross the road? A Chicken.

What do you call a vegan in a coma? A Vegetable.

The worst thing about being vegan is your body starts thinking it’s a compost and becomes infested with worms.

The more I diet, the healthier my personality becomes.

When my stomach growls sometimes I wonder if the vegetables I ate are screaming.

Being a vegan might be healthier but I wish the food wouldn’t taste like I was eating out of a compost. Oh, maybe that’s because I do. Vegetables are expensive.

I have a hard time dating a vegan who only watches television. I’ve ate enough vegetables in my life already.