The best thing about being a time traveler is having all the time in the world.

When headphones sound tinny they’re soda pop cans.

What happens when you bake an Apple iPhone? It turns into an Apple turnover.

When you’re a battery the positive out weighs the negative until you’re dead.

It’s hard to be friends with people on Facebook when they are on the internet.

Siri thinks I’m funny looking. She can see photos, you know.

Facebook asks me everyday, “What’s on your mind?” The answer is always the same, SEX! Just kidding. I never think about sex.

When are they going to create an iPhone that lives up to the Apple name and composts?

I once dated a woman so beautiful everyone thought she was Photoshopped.

I’m still patiently waiting for MeditateCoin.