A dogs favourite thing to do in a dog park is socializing with the buttholes on his friends.
Do you know why cats scratch at the door when they get home? Because you can’t hear them knock.
When a cat gives me love bites I fall in love with felines.
What’s a cat’s favorite place to sleep? In a knapsack.
I don’t know why some people call cat’s a pussy. I guess they’ve never seen a cat fight.
I don’t know what to do when a dog starts humping my leg so I do martial arts on him.
What do people think when they see a cute dog? Is he going to hump my leg?
My cat doesn’t need a pet sitter. If I go away on holiday for a week, he’ll be in the same spot still sleeping.
I have a friend who is a douchebag and addicted to cleaning himself. He’s a cat.
What’s the most popular sexual position in the Year of the Dog? Dry humping legs.