Introverts have a quarantined personality.

When someone is all ears they’re not very thoughtful.

When a couch potato doesn’t get enough sleep he wakes up with bags of potatoes under his eyes.

Someone that espouses capitalist ideology is called a profit.

I joined a quitting group once but we couldn’t do it. We were procrastinators.

That smile looks peculiarly familiar. Like everyone else’s!

When you’re a top you date assholes.

What do you call a vegan that’s scared to cross the road? A Chicken.

A compliment to give to someone you don’t like: Something amazing is coming your way, you’re going to get hit by lightning.

When procrastinators die they pass the time doing nothing in the afterlife.