Dead people should be buried in sleeping bags because they’re never going to wake up again.

When you die your memory lives forever on the internet – you’re a ghost in the cloud.

When a hairstylist dies: Hair Today, Gone Tomorrow.

I had a great time catching up with an old friend today while I was digging him out of his grave.

I like to crash funerals because I want to deepen my depression.

My legs are so pale it looks like they just saw a ghost.

Promoting texting and driving is how the world will knock off dumb people.