Obituaries should be written by the people that know us best, our enemies.
One protest sign at a COVID-19 Lockdown rally said, “I can’t breathe. This COVID-19 mask is stealing oxygen from me.”
Time travelers are never accountable for their actions because they always disappear.
What do humans send into outer space trying to contact intelligent life? An invitation to join Mensa.
What message do humans send into outer space trying to contact alien life? “Hey! We’re over here! Come invade us!”
Conspiracy theorists said the Mayan calendar predicted the end of the world in 2012 and now they’re saying the human population will have perfect eyesight in 20/20.
What do you call an astronaut that lied about going to outer space? An Actornaut.
There’s a doomsday vault that only holds sperm for the worlds gingers. They don’t want them to become extinct and have future humans have to dye their hair red.
I’m changing my name to Anonymous because I don’t want people to know who I really am.