Time flies when you’re a bird.

Sometimes I like to stick my head in a bird house just to see how they make love.

The overweight pigeons on Granville Island are really living up to the pig in their name.

I’m a fan of bird watching because I think they’re one of the most beautiful creatures but I wish they’d stop using me as target practice.

Whenever a crow is flying above I always stop, drop and roll in case he tries to bomb me.

What do you call a chicken that walked into an electric fence? A fried chicken.

When a chicken flies into a fire it turns into BBQ Chicken.

I once joined a gang of seagulls. We would swoop in and steal peoples food while I pooped on their heads.

I was on Granville Island today and a seagull tried to steal my food so I pulled it away. He came back a second time and pooped all over it.

I remember the first time I had a bird go to the bathroom on my head. I was so furious that I chased it down and after I caught him I pooped on his head too.