I highlight my eyes with black paint because I don’t want people to know how ugly my pupils are.
See that diamond tattoo on my neck? I got that in jail after I was caught robbing cubic zirconia mines.
I just dyed my hair and the bags under my eyes purple in the hopes that Barney the Dinosaur will fall in love with me.
Hello Kitty’s sister, born and bred in an amusement park. Drug of choice: Any pill that’s red.
I ripped off my own ears because I was tired of hearing myself think.
This guy thinks his eyes are ready for a seniors home so he stole his grandma’s reading glasses.
I spent all my money paying for this sugar baby that I couldn’t afford more than a hand to be a photographer.
This is my first date from the dating website PlentyOfFish. She is a real catch. I am going to give her tongue now.
7-Up is the Uncola of the Soda Pop Family.
When someone goes into a coma their first thought is, “I thought I was going to die.”