Do you know why cats scratch at the door when they get home? Because you can’t hear them knock.
Mom, why is your milk so sour?
Son, because it’s past the best before date.
When I go to the bar on the weekend my prescription glasses turn into beer goggles.
On April Fools Day the new car smell smells like methane gas.
Food no longer has an expiry date it has a best before date. So now it lasts forever or until eating it kills you.
I have a thick skin because it’s covered in crude oil.
What is the area inside a coffee shop called? Coffee Grounds.
When you perform stand-up comedy and someone dies laughing, you killed.
Pissing your pants is a fun way to warm up during a cold winter.
When a couch potato doesn’t get enough sleep he wakes up with bags of potatoes under his eyes.