What do you call a beer belly on a race car driver? A speed bump.

What does a chef call his medical marijuana? Herbs & Spices.

I think we should re-name Down Syndrome Up Syndrome because people with it are the happiest you’ll ever meet.

A fidget spinner is a great Christmas stocking stuffer for your garbage.

My rapper name is Shredded Lettuce because people want to cut me up into pieces after hearing me spit rhymes.

I’m too cheap to pay for search engine optimization for my blog so I legally changed my name to BrianWheatley.com. Now whenever I tell people who I am, I’m advertising it for free.

What do you call an astronaut that lied about going to outer space? An Actornaut.

When the moon shows you his backside, he’s mooning you.

Donald Trump wants to build a missile defense shield around the earth to keep out Aliens from Outer Space.

What is the backside of the moon called? The crack.