Whenever I go to Disneyland I bring lots of mouse poison to kill Mickey Mouse. Then I swoop in and get Minnie Mouse to fall in love with me.
Why do stupid people even hire real estate agents? Houses sell by themselves in Vancouver.
What does George Foreman call his six-pack abs? The Grill.
I think people who listen to death metal have hearing that is suicidal. Because that’s what’s going to be killed when they listen to it.
A Cannibal’s favourite meal is a runner’s body. But they can never catch them.
I only use drugs socially so I never have to pay for them.
Whenever I see an adult with a bowl haircut I say to him, “You must be one of those Manchild’s I keep hearing about.”
A Cannibal’s favourite past time is digging up fresh graves.
The worst thing about being vegan is your body starts thinking it’s a compost and becomes infested with worms.
When I’m at a coffee bar I’m the most caffeinated one there. Actually, that’s a lie. I’m as boring as decaf.